The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Hi Vegas fans,

First, the Good. 10 days till Vegas. It will be such a blast. And, the weather looks great to boot (60/40 for the high/low temps). We're staying at the Flamingo, and it looks fab. Have any of you been there? Lemme know...

Ok, now the Bad - I don't know if I can make it till then! Every day I wake up I think it's a day later than it is... today I swore it was Thursday until I saw the newspaper. If you have a time machine, please move me forward 10 days, then freeze it. Unless I lose all my dough playing blackjack and craps next Friday.

As for the Ugly, I'm going to include some of Andrew Yoelin's 50 years of Vegas memories. When I say "ugly" I mean stuff that Andrew does not like (shows, people, etc.). You may find that your mileage varies greatly. That's one of the coolest things about Vegas. I love the Fremont Street experience, but you may think it's pure cheese. That's the reason I came up with Simplifying in the first place... pick categories of stuff that you like, and find out for yourself what it's really about.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. Here's Andrew's take on the Ugly in Las Vegas:

Let me just say, up front, when I walked out of the Danny Gans show, about 2000, I was pissed. In 50 years of visiting Las Vegas, only one show sticks out as the worst show in the history of Las Vegas shows: Danny Gans. Call me discriminating, call me viscous, call me ripped off. His musical ability is average, his ability to imitate anyone is arguable. He acts like he’s a talent people pursue. I’m convinced that no one attends this show except that it IS in Vegas, they had nowhere to go, stumbled onto it or it was comp’d, free. HORRIBLE! NO TALENT. Likes to show off his big Ron Burgundy guns (arms)...who cares? No talent. One hundred dollars per ticket, it is the worst show and the worst value of a show in 50 years.

...I saw Siegfried and Roy in 1998, and it was horrible. The whole act was this sado-masochistic mess, like a Broadway musical-gone-terribly-wrong; both were outfitted in black costumes that highlighted their groin areas. One of the them, Siegfried or Roy, would get “captured” by a bunch of chorus boys and the other would rescue him. I kept saying to my friends, “I just wanna see a tiger disappear.” Again, like the horrible Danny Gans, it was horrible.

One night, if it wasn’t my 5th birthday trip, it was soon after, the whole family walked out of a Judy Garland show. I think this was at The Sands. If I knew who she was at the time, I might have recalled more, but I was a little kid, unimpressed; she didn’t look a lot like Dorothy in Oz, but she was so blitzed, slurring her words, so out of her mind that my Dad said, “Let’s get the hell outta here. She’s a mess.” And she was. Bad night for Judy.

... I saw Liza at The Sands. The upholstery on the seats was torn and stained; the curtains were falling down and ripped. Liza was a joke. She was horrrrrrrrrible! Horrible!

Worse, Luci Arnez was the opening act. She was worse than Liza. And while she was singing, “I’m Just Wild About Harry,” I started thinking, ‘this is the best she can do?’ The entire time she isn’t performing she can look for material to perform and this is what she came up with? What a horrible trip and a horrible show.

I might have accentuated the “horrible” here, but Vegas is all about extremes and has been all my life.

Indeed! Thanks, Andrew, for your candid comments.
NEXT WEEK: See Mike's head explode in excitement two days before his Vegas trip.
Viva,
Mike

Two weeks!

Hi all,

Two weeks till my next trip to Vegas. I'm jumping outta my skin. I have dreams about my trip - driving the Strip, gambling at various places, seeing the sites, etc. It can't come soon enough... I need my Sin City fix! It's been a year since I've been there, and it's really hard to go that long without seeing the city. To compensate, I do plenty of writing about it, but it's not the same. I need to be there and hear those slot noises in the casinos, see those lights and the fountains at Bellagio, sniff the lobby at MGM Grand (it's got a specific scent... kinda like coconut). Yes, I miss all that.

I miss the early morning, when many gamblers are asleep, and I get up and drive down the uncrowded Strip, park in a garage with day-old beer lingering in a few cans and bottles near the entrance to the casino, and just take it all in. I like to take pictures in the morning, when most of Vegas is not awake, not quite ready for the day's activities. It's like an old car in the winter - it takes a little while for it to warm up. Vegas in the morning is really different than Vegas in the mid-to-late afternoon, and much, much different than the pace of Vegas when the sun goes down. It's much more deliberate.

So, I encourage you to wake up early at least one day the next time you are in Vegas. Look out over the mountains from your hotel room and see how the sun hits them. Enjoy the shade on the Strip before the blazing sun bakes everything in its path. Get the first cup of joe from a coffee shop before it sits on the burner for so long that it tastes like motor oil. Then, get some more rest so you'll be ready for another full day of fun.

Two weeks... yep, I can't wait!
Viva,
Mike

Next time: more stories from Andrew Yoelin's 50 Years of Vegas Memories

Happy New Year!

Hi Vegas fans,

If you are travelling to Sin City this week, good luck! Not only at the tables and machines, but also getting through the crowds. New Year's is typically the most crowded the city ever gets, so much so that you usually have to show or swipe your key card just to get in to your hotel. Whew.

I don't mind crowds, but I don't think I'd like the density of the Strip during New Year's. I am, happily, travelling to Vegas later in January, however, so I feel very fortunate!

... and speaking of feeling fortunate, I guess it would be nice to count my blessings in this last Simplifying blog of 2008 and reflect on all the great things that have happened this year:

- In January 2008, my best buddy Steve and I painted the town red. We stayed at the Strat and really had a blast. Steve came out way ahead, and I broke even. Great trip.

- I've appeared a few times on Las Vegas Advisor's Question of the Day as a Contributor/Expert. This has been a really amazing experience, and I look forward to answering more questions in 2009!

- In May 2008, I finally published my travel guide through Amazon's Kindle device and as a PDF on my website. I followed up with a new, 2009 version both on Kindle and on the website.

- I revised the website. Completely! It suits my purposes for now, but I'm sure I'll be tweaking it again soon... never really satisfied.

- I am really amazed that over 40 people have submitted almost 450 pictures on my Simplifying Las Vegas Flickr group! If you have cool pictures of Las Vegas, please submit them.

- I have a guest blogger, Andrew Yoelin, whose 50 years of Vegas memories and tidbits will continue to appear on this blog in 2009. Thanks, Andrew, for sharing your great stories!

- I have had some great responses from my survey... and, by the way, today is the last day to fill out a survey for your chance to win December's Las Vegas luggage tag.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. It's time to rest up for New Year's Eve festivities. I wish everyone a very happy, healthy New Year.

Viva,
Mike

Happy Holidays!

Hi all,

First, I know it's a little early, but I want to wish everyone happy holidays and good luck for the New Year. I may not get a chance to do so next week because it's Santa Eve, and I may be busy buying my wife last minute gifts. As I am going to Vegas in January with friends, it's a good idea to keep her happy. Anyway, may all your double-downs pay off, and may all your come-out rolls be seven in 2009.

Ok, now on to some more Vegas-specific stuff:

• TI has been sold from MGM to the dude who used to own the Frontier (Phil Ruffin) for a cool $775 million. Don't know what this means in terms of the property yet, but MGM still has a lot of properties, and it does not sound like it's one of those deals where the place will be imploded and built anew. However, that's just my guess and is pure speculation as there are no details about what will happen to TI as of yet.
  
• Not to say "I told ya so" but I told ya so. For years now, I've been predicting that the Strip would soon start to price itself out of the average joe market, which would leave lots of opportunities for downtown. A December 2 news item from the Las Vegas Advisor reports that cab drivers are frequently driving tourists off Strip to places like In-n-Out burger because Strip prices are too high. It looks like downtown is starting to benefit from budget-conscious travelers due to recent economic conditions. I think that downtown has a unique (but probably limited) window here to really capture some of the Strip visitors. If they can provide top-notch entertainment, spiff up the streets and casinos a bit, and offer a great bargain, they'll make converts out of some Strip-only folks. It could happen. Will it? Stay tuned...
  
• Finally, please don't forget that you still have two weeks to fill out a survey to win a free, cool luggage tag. Good luck!

If I do post a new blog item next week, it'll be more from Andrew Yoelin's 50 Years of Vegas Memories.

Thanks all and again, Happy Holidays!
Viva,
Mike

Guest Blogger

Hi Vegas fans,

This week, we are treated to another excerpt from Andrew Yoelin's 50 years of Vegas memories. Here's Andrew's take on some of the hotels that have graced the Strip over the years...

MGM Grand

The original MGM Grand (now Bally’s) was a lot of fun. I went there in 1974, spring-break and one night we went to Jai Lai. Jai Lai is a very popular game in south America and is played with a bent wooden racket, which is more “catcher” than racket and the players play on a court called a “fronton”. My friends were busy betting unknown players in a relatively unknown game, losing $5 bet after $5 bet. I, on the other hand, had discovered that they served Hebrew National Hot Dogs at the concession stand. I ate three, called my Dad to tell him about the hot dogs, ate one more and we left. Best hot dog I ever ate.

At some point, my family was in Vegas, around 1970, and we were recommended Battista’s Hole in the Wall, across the street from the original MGM. It’s still there but either my tastes have changed or the recipes have. Back then it was honest, delicious Italian food and Battista would sing. Beautiful voice.

In 1990, I made friends with a relative of Bernie Rothkopf. Mr. Bernie Rothkopf was president of the MGM Grand, hand-picked by Kirk Kirkorian to run the joint. Bernie had been in the casino business in Vegas since the forties and he knew his stuff. We stayed there about two weeks before the MGM Grand fire, which devastated Bernie.

My friend, Bernie’s relative, got drunk one night and played blackjack. The next day a man approached my friend, a man he’d never seen before and the man said, “I’m Bernie’s head of security. Don’t take a hit card on a hard 18. It’s stupid”. My friend had been spotted by security and identified without knowing it was Bernie’s relative and without Bernie ever knowing. You think that’s good security, that was 30 years ago; imagine how tight it is now.

Here’s the best Bernie Rothkopf story: back in those days, before celebrity chefs, the major hotels in Vegas each had five or six restaurants, different themes, all owned by the hotel. So, the MGM Grand had, for example, a deli, a Japanese/ Chinese restaurant, a Victorian Steak House, etc.

So, one night, Mr. Rothkopf took all of us to the steak house. I remember it being very loud. Lot’s of people, dish-noise, just loud restaurant noise. But when Bernie said anything, even in his low speaking voice, it was as if it got quiet because...I don’t know why...because he was such a big-shot? His voice was like the Red Sea parting...

The food comes out, I’m eating, talking to one of my friends, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Bernie nod to the restaurant’s Captain, and say, “Who’s cooking tonight”? The Captain responded, “Tony”, and Bernie requested Tony’s presence immediately.

Tony came out of the kitchen, sweating from the crush of business but soon sweating because, after all, this was ‘the man’. Bernie said, “Tony. What did I tell you about the potatoes the last time I was here”? Tony responded, “You told me not to burn them”. They were twice-backed or something. Bernie said, “Do these look burned to you”? Tony responded they did. When Tony left the table I swear to you I thought he would be buried in the desert. All because he burnt Bernie’s potatoes.

Did Tony die over potatoes? I don’t know for sure. But it felt like he was going someplace not good.

Landmark

On that same Spring Break trip of 1974 I’ve talked about, the first night in Vegas, we went crazy. Drank to excess, lost all my money, lost track of my friends, so I had to walk from the MGM Grand to an off-strip hotel by the International, now the Hilton International. I was so blitzed that when the Landmark Hotel stood in my way, I decided the best shortcut was to go through the hotel. Which is silly because at no time in the history of Vegas can/could you ever get out of the back of a hotel.

I proceeded through the casino, through a coffee shop, and through the kitchen—some chef was making a Chef Salad with Julianne of ham, turkey, cheese and I, acting as though I was management, tasted the turkey and cheese and instructed this poor kitchen worker to “slice them smaller” as I champed on my stolen samples.

I walked out a back kitchen door, in a suit and tie, and climbed a 20 foot tall cinder block fence. What sense did this make? None. I was a drunk college kid and it wasn’t a short cut, it was dangerous and stupid and the view was of trash cans, not of a neon-lit Vegas skyline.

Guest Blogger: Andrew Yoelin's 50 Years of Vegas Memories

This week I'm proud to introduce a Vegas Veteran as a guest blogger. Andrew Yoelin has been going to Las Vegas for 50 years and has provided me with some fantastic stories and memories. I wanted to share them with you all, and he has graciously agreed to let me do so. Here's Andrew's first installment; I hope you enjoy it!

My earliest Vegas memory would be having my fifth (5th) birthday at the Dome of the Sea Restaurant, free-standing really, at the base of the Dunes Hotel. I remember my mother ordering me Chicken Kiev and when it arrived, she said, “Watch this” and she cut into it and it spurt butter and cheese. Come on! It doesn’t get any better than that. Well, yes it does. We left dinner and went to The Sands and saw Sammy Davis, Jr.

Let me tell you how talented Sammy Davis, Jr. was: many people don’t even know he played the drums but by the time I graduated high school, I’d seen all the great drummers of the day: Gene Krupa, Buddy Rich, Joe Morello, Jon Bonham, Ringo, who am I leaving out? Sammy was better than all of them. All of them. No, I never heard Sammy Davis Jr. play “Stairway to Heaven” but judging drummers for drumming, Sammy was better than all of them....

One night, if it wasn’t my 5th birthday trip, it was soon after, the whole family walked out of a Judy Garland show. I think this was at The Sands. If I knew who she was at the time, I might have recalled more, but I was a little kid, unimpressed; she didn’t look a lot like Dorothy in Oz, but she was so blitzed, slurring her words, so out of her mind that my Dad said, “Let’s get the hell outta here. She’s a mess.” And she was. Bad night for Judy.

I remember lounge shows. Back in the sixties, the major hotels had “the big room” and “lounge shows.” Younger readers shouldn’t confuse these lounge shows with today’s definition of “lounge singer=bad.” Back then, you could catch rising stars in the lounge. I saw Don Rickles in a lounge show. Later, of course, I saw Rickles in the big room; he made a big deal about the “move.” I saw Rich Little, the best impressionist in a lounge show. I saw Lou Rawls in a lounge show with about 10 other people. And instead of being bitter or taking it out on the audience, he was a real pro. He sang for over an hour and at the end of the show, since he hadn’t sung my favorite, “Dead-End Street” and yelled, “Oh! Mr. Rawls. Pleased don’t leave with singing Dead-End Street! He stopped, I mean he could hear me even with all ten people clapping, turned around, the band automatically followed him and by God, they sang the song. Then he came over with a huge smile and shook my hand. What a gentleman!

I saw “Fat” Jack Leonard, an Ed Sullivan regular in a lounge show. He was funny. As a matter of fact, I saw Ed Sullivan playing blackjack; I never know how small he was, like five feet tall.

From the Lou Rawls lounge show, the same night, we grabbed a cab to see Tony Bennett. What was Frank Sinatra’s quote about Tony Bennett? Something like, “For my money, he’s the best in the business” and he certainly was for 50 years.

After the show, that same night, I was on the house phones making reservations at The Bacchanal, a great restaurant in Caesar’s Palace. “An orgy of food and wine” they would say. Walking alone, I would suppose on his way to his room was Tony Bennett. I was vastly over-served, threw down the phone, scared the hell out of Mr. Bennett just trying to say a drunken “hello.” He was glad to get out of there.

And I saw Shecky Green, a brilliant stand-up comic, in a lounge show, about 50 or 75 times. Sometimes we’d go to the early show and the midnight show. Every show with Shecky was different. He may well have begun a “bit” the same but he would switch-up and start talking about a whole different subject, ergo: a whole new bit. Shecky was sort of like Don Rickles except most of the fun being poked was at himself. A little of the audience but far more self-deprecating.

One summer, must have been 1969 or 1970, we saw two shows a night for three straight nights. Laughed our asses off! I remember in between shows ordering an “Irish Sanka”, laughing myself silly because of the lack of caffeine. Who cares?

I’ve met people through the years that didn’t “get” him, didn’t find him funny. Probably the same guy who booed Santa in Phili. He was a great comic that never made the move to movies.

Next week: more on Andrew's take on entertainers and hotels in Vegas. Stay tuned!

Viva,
Mike

Viva Thanksgiving!

First, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I know it's a few days early, but I'm going to be busy as a beaver (or a turkey, I guess) these next few days, so you're getting your weekly dose of Vegas stuff and a holiday wish today.

For those of you who are planning to be in Sin City for Turkey Day, check out the Las Vegas Review-Journal's 2008 article on places to eat (including restaurants, buffets, and take outs):

http://www.reviewjournal.com/entertainment/events/thanksgiving/

Yum, yum!

I have a lot to be thankful for this year! I published my book this year and redesigned my Vegas website a bunch of times. I've been a Las Vegas Advisor Question of the Day expert a few times. I've had a lot of people fill out my surveys, form for a free itinerary, take my quizes, and over 25 people have submitted pictures to my Flickr group. Fun, fun, fun! And still, I have a lot of work to do, so I'll have even more to be thankful for soon enough.

I've got a great job, a nice house, an awesome car, and I'm safe. I'm thankful for that.

But most importantly, I'm thankful for my family and friends. My wife, Martha, has been very patient with me as I stare at a computer screen all day and all night. My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this year (and Martha and I celebrated #5!). I've reconneced with some old friends, who will be joining me in Vegas in January, and I've stayed in touch with many others through the years.

This year, I'll be celebrating Thanksgiving with my in-laws, who I love dearly and can't wait to see. I'm thankful for so much, and I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm a lucky person, even when I lose in Vegas. I wish you the same.

Viva,
Mike